The pastor opened his teaching with the question, "Have you ever wanted to ask someone 'HOW did you come to believe that?'" He proceeded to give an example of a conversation about beliefs completely contradictory to the Christian faith. Heads were shaking throughout the congregation in disbelief.

I personally do not ask myself those questions. It bothers me when Christians just expect everyone to 'get it', that is, to realize their worldly view of things is wrong or skewed, and to understand the gospel. I do not shake my head in wonder that the world is evil and rejects the gospel. The Bible has clearly said it would be so from the very beginning. I do not understand why it is so shocking to Christians that a world that does not love the Lord does not serve Him.

To me it shows that many Christians either undermine or do not understand just how deceptive our enemy is, how he can manipulate and pervert the truth in a very convincing way. He is very good at what he does. If it were not so wouldn't everyone believe?

I am a little nervous about sharing my experiences with an eating disorder here. I am just going to scratch the surface today, because I'm not sure where this discussion will lead.

The majority of my struggle was back in high school, and I know that my case was not as severe as some. For some time, on the surface, it probably didn't seem like I had an eating disorder. It started somewhat inadvertently, after being depressed over my first real break up. I was a little over weight anyway (though not much), so when my friends started noticing me lose a little bit of weight, I thought, "hey, this is cool!" and just kept eating less and less. I  used to take my food to my room and throw most of it away. I over exercised and exercised more if I got hungry. Because I got so much attention, I began to believe that I had to stay skinny for people to like me at all, and I hated them for making me feel like I needed to be thin. It is interesting because later on I learned that those people had no idea I felt that way. But it is also sad to me in a way, to think I was mainly surrounded by "christians", and still received more attention the more attractive I was. Maybe that is another post...

The thing that I do not think most people understand about an eating disorder is the mental side of it. At least in my case, it was not very obvious that I was starving myself, nor was I so extremely skinny that I needed to be admitted to a hospital or anything. I think it is a combination of malnutrition and allowing thoughts of weight and food to so control my life that my issues were mostly mental. I hated everyone and everything, I was absolutely depressed and miserable, and could not stop craving this disease that I had created.

I would hesitate to say that someone never quite gets over an eating disorder, because that is sort of like saying someone is always an alcoholic if they have ever been addicted to it once in their life. But I would definitely say the repercussions of those actions and addictions often stick with a person and can be awoken easily at times of weakness. For those who have recovered and experienced Christ's healing in their lives, I think it is good to be aware of those weaknesses and flee any temptation of falling into it again, but we also need to not be so aware that we forget the work of Christ in our lives and hold on to how He has changed us.

It wasn't people repeatedly telling me to get over it or that I am beautiful that helped me recover. I don't think we can truly help someone until we are willing to share in their suffering and realize how real their feelings are to them there in that moment. A person's reality is real to them no matter what is true. We can tell someone the truth all we like, but until it awakens inside of them, it will never become real. I am fortunate, I think, because I 'recovered' from my eating disorder somewhat quickly. I had to realize for myself what I was really doing to my body, and when I finally had the courage to share it with my brother he cried with me through it. I would proceed to struggle with thoughts and occasionally relapse for the next several years, but the hardest part of my struggle ended that night on my brother's bedroom floor.

It was love that helped me heal.

Have you or do you know anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder?

I have never been too big on Vday. I think it used to be because I never had a real Valentine, and growing up I either broke up with the guy I was dating right before it or we were fighting during it lol...so by the time Mr Lily came into my life I was just sort of over it.

Now I think one reason I don't care about it is because just with any other holiday, yeah it could be a nice reminder I guess, but it is not a holiday that makes me try to make my hubbie feel special. I want him to know every day that I love him.

When Mr. Lily and I were courting, I got a little nervous when Vday came around. It just wasn't important to me, and I hate forcing things just because we're 'supposed' to. So, we decided to go out the day before and not get caught up in the holiday and busyness of it.

I think I had a rough/tired day that day, so I just wanted to do something fun. We went to a malt shop type burger joint and played putter golf. After that we were on our way to get some coffee and planned to go play with the toys at Wal-Mart (I know, we're mature)...

So before going in for coffee, the night was beautiful and we stood outside all romantical like. Mr. Lily used to tell me stories all the time, so he made me close my eyes and he told me a story about this magical princess in a forest of dancing trees and a the knight/prince who came to her...anyways the prince got down on his knee, right...and that's when I opened my eyes and Shane was on his knee holding this ring...and my reaction:

"Are you being serious?!...Are you serious?!"

Of course he was serious, what, did I think the ring was fake? What a cruel joke, right? Even though we basically knew we would get married, I had no idea he had a ring or anything, so it was a complete surprise. I couldn't help repeating "Are you serious?" like fifteen times.

Anyway, with faces peeking out at us through the window of the coffee shop, I said "Yes" and everyone cheered. It was sort of magical. (And yes, we did still go play with the toys :) )

Since then, Mr. Lily and I celebrate the anniversary of our engagement every Feb 13th. It means so much more to me than cheesy heart boxes of chocolate and flowers.

Do you celebrate Valentine's Day? If so, what is special to you about it? If not, do you have something else special like this that you celebrate instead?